THE EARLY BIRD...

The early bird catches the worm. I'd like to shake the hands of the genius who invented that saying.....and shake it....and SHAKE IT! Until it falls out of its socket. Then I’d hit him upside the head with it.

The early bird...Bah! For all the trouble of getting up early you get a worm! How about a five course meal in an elite restaurant. How about a flat screen TV. How about a Sony PS3. Or the latest VAIO F series.

But let’s just not go there. What of the stupid early worm that just became bird food? Huh? I'll stay in bed a few more minutes if it’s okay with you. I guess it is too late to teach him to wizen up.

And let us not forget its actually the second mouse that gets the cheese; the first gets the trap snapping its neck. And it dawned on me that the early bird might get the worm but he gets green with envy to see the first prize that the smart one takes home. In fact, the early ones are just the decor, the long queue that forms the backdrop as the smart ones walangolo their way, sharpaly, to get the best lot. So I say bon appétit to the early bird. Let me catch a few zzzs and get back to you on that. I believe I have made a very good case for my cause.

But does my mom think so? I think not? After my oratorical exhibition that would have sidelined Socrates' at his best, I got a glimpse of hell on earth: a cup of cold water emptied on your bed in the cool of the young day's beginning when sleep is at sweetest. I shoot up like the Apollo 11 and grudgingly stomp into the bathroom.

Getting rid of ‘dragon breath’ (=brushing my mouth) I reflect on why on earth the early bird would eat the worm. I had to concede that given the option of a worm or a wet bed, I'll take the worm. Sheesh!